Seventy-Two Things I Hate (And a Few I Love)

Lately I’m angry. But instinctively I’ve known that what I am feeling is a constructive kind of anger, the kind of anger that acts as a signpost to let me know that an injustice is taking place. In many ways, the injustice is one that I’ve perpetrated on myself—my lack of connection with my own strongest feelings.

In our culture we are afraid of anger. We’ve internalized that it is impolite to be angry, and that no one will want to be our friend. But if we do not nurture and listen to the messages of our anger, then how can we listen to the messages of our bliss? Sticking to acceptable milquetoast opinions and feelings to avoid our anger will also have the unfortunate consequence of keeping us from our passions and joys, as well.

In Beyond the Writer’s Workshop, Carol Bly says that as artists, we have to nurture our strongest feelings. She complains that too many people in our culture are addicted to neutral feelings—and art is not born from neutral feelings.

Now this does not condone irrational or violent or destructive anger. But we are so quick to fear our anger, so quick to fear our deepest feelings that we avoid listening to the messages of our constructive anger. And in our anger lies our deepest opinions.

If we do not have any strong opinions, or if we don’t know what those opinions are, then as artists we are doomed to work in the world of aesthetics only. Bly calls this kind of beautiful, superficial, art-for-art’s-sake “angel scat,” and rightly so.

A fellow writer asked me to articulate the psychological profile of one of my characters. I stumbled, and then she asked me pointedly, “How well do you know yourself?” Instantly I claimed to know myself quite well, thank you very much. But her question burned in me until I realized that I, too, have been a victim of watery non-committals and blurry opinions. Only in one area of my life, my politics, have I been able to make a clear stand.

So what would it be like if I were to take a stand for all of my values and name my strongest feelings? I wrote the following list in an inspired moment, but the thought of posting them, of actually committing to my own opinions, sent my heart racing. What if someone is offended?

Then again, isn’t art meant to provoke? As artists we must be able to name our strongest feelings, admit them and own them, before our writing will be infused with the kind of power we long for.

I suggest, after you are finished being offended by my list, you make a list of your own.

Seventy-Two Things I Hate (And a Few I Love)

1. I hate people who gossip, and I hate myself when I gossip.
2. I hate mediocrity.
3. I hate people who claim to be feminists but aren’t.
4. I hate people who judge me or treat me like a “pretty girl.”
5. I hate people who call me up on the phone and expect me to drop everything and have a 2-hour conversation (there are exceptions).
6. I hate people who skirt or dodge difficult conversations.
7. I value people who are able to articulate and confront their difficult emotions.
8. I value things that are free.
9. I value people who find and look for things that are free.
10. I value other ingenious ways of saving money while not skimping on life.
11. I hate show-offs.
12. I hate people who have money but complain that they don’t.
13. I value loyalty in my relationships.
14. I value physical health, including attention to healthy eating.
15. I hate obesity—and I fear it.
16. I hate being woken up when I’m sleeping.
17. I hate feeling burdened by the neediness of others (on an ongoing basis).
18. I hate feeling judged and particularly misjudged.
19. I hate falseness in people.
20. I hate people who are overly cynical or sarcastic or selfish.
    
21. I hate people who always complain.
22. I hate people who act New-Age and enlightened.
23. I hate people who wear too much make-up—and insist that they don’t.
24. I hate people who are habitually late to or cancel engagements.
25. I hate people who talk about things they know nothing about as if they are an authority
26. I hate people who criticize others to make up for their own insecurities—especially when it comes to criticizing art.
27. I hate jealousy.
    
28. I hate people who are unconcerned about the health of the Earth.
29. I hate people who are unconcerned with the suffering of others.
30. I hate Wal-Mart and other unethical companies.
31. I hate people who shop at Wal-Mart and other unethical companies.
32. I hate rude children.
33. I hate parents who don’t address (or acknowledge) their children’s rudeness or bad behavior.
34. I hate parents who are unjustly strict.
35. I hate the ethics of a consumer market.
36. I hate those who stereotype artists as lazy or careless dreamers or losers.
37. I hate people who try to impose their will on others.
38. I hate alcoholics and their destructive behaviors.
39. I hate people who lie.
40. I hate people who steal.
41. I hate arrogance.
42. I hate people who say one thing and do another—or say they are going to do something and don’t.
43. I hate feeling unappreciated.
44. I hate being yelled at or demeaned in any way.
45. I hate when people treat me like I’m stupid.
46. I hate people who think I should be flattered by their sexual attention.
    
47. I hate the way I sometimes have sex because I don’t want to be rejected.
48. I hate people who can’t own up to their own mistakes.
49. I hate men who cheat on their wives without remorse.
50. I hate people who hide in religion.
51. I hate shadow artists.
52. I hate pushy people.
53. I hate pathetic excuses.
54. I hate sloppy, half-assed work.
55. I hate people who are (or claim to be) vegetarians because they think it makes them cool.
56. I hate high-maintenance people who act that way for attention.
57. I hate hypocrisy.
58. I hate people who step on others.
59. I hate corrupt politics and politicians.
60. I hate people who defend corrupt politics and politicians.
61. I hate racism and prejudice.
62. I hate ignorance—particularly ignorance that claims to be informed.
63. I value truth.
    
64. I value being a person of my word.
65. I value sincerity and genuineness.
66. I value spiritual seeking.
67. I value emotional responsibility and growth.
68. I value the ability to relax and enjoy life.
69. I value honest, constructively framed feedback about myself or my work.
70. I value relationships that can exchange honest, constructively framed feedback.
71. And most of all, I value the courage it takes to face our lives with honesty and integrity.