Published in Illiterate Magazine, Hate to Love and Love to Hate Issue
A thigh, spread
hairless,
an ass, pushing
pushing
pushing
silent moans
volume turned down
baby asleep in the other room
don’t need the volume anyway...
I’m 12 years old
in my father’s nightstand drawer
flipping pages
listening for the car
I’m 13 years old
rubbing against the arm of the couch
volume turned down
girl unzips leather pants,
takes on five men,
girl dives into girl,
faked enthusiasm,
girl, tied up
sandwiched between two old men
I’m 14 years old
I’m 15 years old
I’m 16 years old
porn on the big screen:
woman dressed as nun
woman jogging naked
woman rubbing shaving cream on other woman’s breasts
I’m 16 years old
trying to deflect wandering hands holding dollar bills
hoping my high school principal won’t recognize me
I’m 17 years old
in the adult bookstore
watching a woman
give head to a dildo
I’m 18 years old and have never had an orgasm
I’m 19 years old and have never had an orgasm
I’m 23 years old and don’t know why I can’t have an orgasm
I’m 27 years old and only cum if I picture a spread thigh,
a faceless cock
a woman
tied up and sandwiched between two old men,
a woman
unzipping leather pants and taking on five men
I’m 30 years old and only cum if I picture something other than
love.
I’m 33 years old and wonder why I don’t like sex.
We sit in the dark as you confess
and I can only nod--
I understand, after all.
I’ve been competing against it my whole life
educated myself on it
fashioned myself in its glitzy, airbrushed image,
oh, to erase every crotch shot
money shot
conjured moan
fake orgasm
become that young girl
without the contents of the nightstand drawer.
I’m 36 years old and porn has stolen my sexuality.
Now there’s
You,
the one I want to be different
and Me,
haunted.
You,
the one I want to be different
and Me,
unlearning.
5 comments:
Hello Nancy. I met you in Omaha today(1/14/2010)at breakfast and had to find out what kind of a writer/person you are. This piece blew my socks off. Keep up the kickin ass and taking names work. Word, Greg Ethen.
Thanks so much, Greg! It was great to meet you...I'm glad you liked it. Do keep in touch, and I'll let you know when I'm back in Omaha.
Cheers!
N
It was great to meet you Nancy, now I can tell my grandchildren(maybe I should have children first) that I met the talented and beautiful Nancy Stohlman. That will make the coolest grandpa ever %)I really really like your writing in'Searching for Suzy' good job! Being an editor you have to be pulling your hair out by now or seeking professional mental help.%)Take care, stay out of trouble, eat all your vegetables. Have a super day! Word, Greg.
If you give me your email, I'll add you to my list with upcoming events, etc.
Thanks for all your support!
N
Hi Nancy. I'm sorry it took me so long to get back to you, I've been up in Detroit for the last couple of weeks. Have you ever been to Detroit in Jan? It's a beautiful place(that's my sarcastic face). I hope you've been kicking ass and taking names with the sell of your books. Anyhow, my e-mail is Greg.Ethen at Yahoo. Peace, Greg.
Post a Comment